Yeah, we all love selfies. Especially the way those Aviary filters completely eliminate every pore on our faces and make the photo look like it was lit by Wally Pfister. Exhibit A: the above gem.
But, with a little thinking outside the lens, I have discovered some far better uses for the trusty smartphone camera beyond the selfies and the dinner porn and the shot outside the plane window over…absolutely nothing.
The biggest discovery: that camera in your pocket virtually eliminates the need to carry a pen and paper…like ever.
- When somebody goes to hand you a business card, just snap a photo of it and let them keep their crumpled little forrest-killer. After all, they went for the premium VistaPrint card stock. That shit’s like $3 more expensive. Also, there’s gotta be an app that can then read that photo and translate it into a new contact on your phone. If you know that app, post it in the comments. It sounds cool.
- See a FOR SALE sign up at that house across the street that you can’t afford or in that little storefront that would be perfect for your organic vegetable, kitten, and unbleached paper store you’ve been drawing up that business plan for? Snap a photo and call later so you can start to practice your “Will you co-sign my mortgage/bank loan?” speech immediately.
- Need to photocopy a page but aren’t near a photocopier or, more likely, don’t want to pay the 10 cents? Snap! (this is a great tip for actors on the go who need to learn a monologue while jogging. Snap! It’s right there in your iPhone! Don’t forget to look up every few seconds…)
- Don’t want to pay for the magazine but can’t go without reading Malcolm Gladwell’s latest oversimplification in The New Yorker? Snap, snap, snap…snap, snap, snap. Man, he’s wordy! (Also, I know you’re actually reading US Weekly.)
- It makes couple-shopping a breeze because now, you don’t have to go shopping together at all! Ever! Just keep texting photos and “No’s” back and forth.
- Examining how much bigger your bald spot has gotten this month! Sigh…
- Also in the same category, finally learning just how hairy the other side of your body is. Now you can finally do something about it!
- Getting that cop’s badge number. Because no, you were not speeding. And no, the car does not smell like kush.
- Piecing together the night before. NOTE: this method assumes you have a few photos that aren’t entirely blurry or just empty black space. Combine this with your few memory scraps and you might just remember who you need to apologize to.
- Kittens. Because no matter how hard we try, they’re still way more photogenic than we are.
Snap wisely, friends.
Have more to add? Post in the comments!